Disappointments of any kind are tough. “Be stubborn about your goals, Be flexible about your methods” is a great way to carry on when the going gets tough and you have to change your path. But what about when you are forced to change your goal? What about the times when there is no solution and you have to move forward or move on?
This is where we are forced to accept the silver lining.
If you had told me that being a mother was going to be out of the question when I was in my twenties I would have scoffed at the thought and said to myself “that’ll never happen TO ME”, and that’s exactly what happened. At 32, that was the news and with more difficulties to follow, it is now my reality.
I was born to be a mother. The idea that I would never find that one piece in my 12,000 count puzzle of life box was confusing, exhausting, and heart shattering. I did not prepare myself for the child-less option. I didn’t want it. I was angry. I was sad. I was totally confused about this identity I imagined. Did I mention I was angry?
So after beating myself up enough, the emotional repairs began slowly.
It wasn’t until I stopped fighting myself and stopped devising the most elaborate unrealistic pregnancy options that I started to embrace who I am and what I had right in front of me.
The ultimate goal in life is to be happy and be loved. So when we beat ourselves up, focus on all the things we don’t have, or think we desperately need _____ to make us normal, human, woman, man, or loved…we miss the silver lining.
Silver lining (n): a hopeful or comforting prospect in the midst of difficulty.
My Silver Linings:
I have a love that I do not know exists anywhere else or with anyone else, than the love I have with my husband, Dan. It’s more than special. It’s unique, accepting, exciting, collaborative and romantic. Yes, I will talk about how much I dig him when he’s not around because I love him so big I can’t help it. So, sorry about that – not sorry. I hope that anyone in a relationship with themselves or another is granted the means, be it time or focus, to spend really getting intimate in that relationship – and I’m not talking about the Bow-Chicka -Wow-Wow, I’m talking about what draws us to each other as humans. Asking questions, having conversations and being a little scared of the answers and accepting them. Growing a union of deep true love, an acceptance of that love, and creating a support system that is rooted in truth and trust.
I have time for self-evaluation, creative hobbies and traveling. I love to learn new things and discover new places and being allowed the space and time to do it, wanted or not, has been a gift. I need 3 more lives or a lot of yoga to keep me living so I can do everything I want to do, read everything I want to read and collect experiences that I have no idea are on my path.
I have met some of the most diverse people and created long lasting relationships with some of the most wild, loving, borderline crazy, fun, creative, nurturing people. I know that my imaginary life would have not taken me on the same path and now I can’t imagine my path without these real-life sitcom characters.
I could go on, because I am thankful and happy for so much now in my life, but this is not a read on the 11,999 things I’m happy about in life. It’s about looking at the disappointments that you’re still hanging onto and asking yourself:
- How are these feelings making my life better?
- What do I have now that I would not have had before ______ took place?
- What is one thing I learned about myself while processing this disappointment?
Time heals. Some wounds take longer than others, but every wound is important. WHY?
Struggle is strength in camouflage.
As a society we view struggle as heartache or pain. Instead of sitting in the empty or angry feeling and absorbing that particular energy, what if we shift our perspective?
No matter the outcome, there is a finish line and you have the ability to make it to the end of that particular race. You have the ability to put one foot in front of the other and make it to the through the struggle. Then, when you cross the white line, you have an experience to learn from. There, in that place, is when you realize how strong you became while getting there. Look at what you HAVE accomplished. Observe the outcome that struggles have brought you and take a moment to be grateful of those lessons that have been learned.
Let go of the pains. They were merely the teaching grounds to show you the strength you are capable of. That is the silver lining.